Felt good, a bit tired, Reefer song grouse, making mates. Photo course - my first print of Aedofix being brushed with a broom. After I try to fill the film p/c JC wants the camera tomorrow. Tomorrow I kiak after a freezing cold, hard day. In bed, Just had a really good cry for Dad. Remembering what was happenning this time last year. Want to write some things down. Confusion. Got closer to Bree. The arriving home from school to find him on morphine - feeling the cancer like a gigantic rock plateau, his hickups. His confusion, My confusion, he fell off the tractor, he was trying to work but his body wouldn't let him - falling off his tractor. Falling over at the bottom of the hill - I want a smoke now with Mum, - "Where were you, Why couldn't you help me? I fell over."
"Don't let me stop you, you just keep on going - "
And here I am, writing and trying to cry quietly because I don't want my maman to worry - wishing I could just go and have a smoke with my Mum and a cup of tea. I will phone her on the tenth and tell her this. I wish there was something I could do like talk to GO. I think I will try to organise to be with him on the 10th. Je ne sais pas, I am a bit scared that my dear little mum will die on me, but I know that whatever happens it is the will of the lord, and we will be never taken away from each other - we will see each other again.
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